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  • Council Complaints

    Found this while surfing the net....

    These are genuine clips from British Council Tenants letters complaining to the Council about problems with their homes:

    1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

    2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

    4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

    5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

    6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

    7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

    8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

    9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

    10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

    11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

    12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

    13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

    14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

    15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour & not fit to drink.

    16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

    17. The man next door has a large QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!QUACK! in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

    18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

    19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

    20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
    I wish I was a glow worm
    Cos a glow worm's never glum
    It's hard to be unhappy
    When the sun shines out your bum

  • #2
    Rofl :d
    Let's party


    AKA Brunehilda - Last of the Valkaries

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    • #3
      [QUOTE=Zebedee;37589]Found this while surfing the net....


      10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.


      I always wondered how that happened. Thank goodness I finally learned how to stay on my 2 feet when walking on a garden path.
      Hootus est

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      • #4
        I laughed out loud for some time reading this

        fantastic Zeb
        N.G.W.B.J.
        Member of 5 Towns Wine and Beer Makers Society (Yorkshire's newest)
        Wine, mead and beer maker

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        • #5
          I work for the local Council, doing insurance and risk management, an entertaining part of my job is handling insurance claims made against the Council...

          Probably the 2 funniest I've had are these:

          1 - I had a phone call from a female tenant telling me that the workmen refitting her kitchen had broken her knob, and that it had subsequently dropped off...

          2 - A tenant rang to tell me that she wanted to put in a claim for a new carpet, as her room had shrunk after we'd sorted out the damp problem for her...

          My boss and I had a good laugh over both of these as I'm sure you can imagine.
          In order to sort out both claims, I arranged for a new (cooker) knob to be fitted for Tenant no 1, and it turned out that we'd re-plastered Tenant no 2's living room after sorting out the damp, which had indeed meant that the floor area was smaller after we'd done the work!

          Our insurers, who shall remain nameless, were higly impressed with my calm handling of both these claims, but the claims inspector and area rep and I have had many a good chuckle over some of the stuff that we've dealt with !!!
          HRH Her Lushness

          Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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